you don’t seem that stupid to fall in love

“You can’t be wise and in love at the same time.” – Bob Dylan

When a person falls in love, especially when one believes that they have found their dream person, uncertainty often remains about whether that feeling is mutual. In this exact moment, they may begin to forget what they once wanted to do with their life. The primary purpose of their life changes, at least temporarily. Now, the foremost goal becomes bringing that person into their life.

The things they once found cringe or even distasteful suddenly begin to make sense. They begin to welcome the flaws of the person they love. They start dreaming about them throughout the day. A glimpse of that person can make their entire day feel brighter. Those old Bollywood love songs suddenly begin to make perfect sense. All the things that lovers do, which they once watched in their childhood, return to their mind with the image of that person attached to them.

With that person in their mind, they find peace amid a great deal of chaos. These early and uncertain days can make them feel happier than they have ever been.

This is so true; one should not go around searching for love; one may find it along the way. One may find it by going to places where one naturally belongs. Those places could be libraries, movie halls, theatres, or seminars. Some people find love first and figure out their careers afterwards. However, others do not go searching for love; instead, they first invest in their careers.

The question is, which side has the larger number? I think it is the first one. Many people have the conception that no one will love them if they do not have anything to offer; that may be true as well. There are people who focus on love when the time calls for them to invest in their careers. In the end, they may get neither. Neither love nor a stable career.

We often hear people say that they found love at very unexpected times, perhaps when they were figuring out their careers. Those people take the chance and deal with whatever happens. They are the ones who risk their lives to experience love, perhaps one of the best experiences life has to offer.

It costs empathy and time in order to build a human connection of any kind. For the people who cannot afford their time to give to someone consistently, the connection never gets initialized. The initial days of relationships take an immense amount of time; however, it’s not that a person has to allocate a certain amount of time; it sometimes takes 2x as long automatically when you start to communicate with your beloved one. Love could distract you, but in a very lovable way. It makes you feel good most of the time. It makes you gentle even in this cruel world. It makes you tolerate things you would not have tolerated when you were not in love. It could be experienced that the happiness is being dependent on someone outside of you. It would make you abandon yourself and care so much about your loved one. You could experience these effects if you are lucky enough to get acceptance. If you get rejected, it could either push you toward an uphill climb of improvement or push you into a drain. As a human, rejection feels like a failure. Not trying to fall in love could save you time, which you spend on stupid things extravagantly. Also, it creates another attachment; you yourself have created many, and it makes you dependent on somebody outside of you.

When it comes to making a career, love is the least thing that gets attention. Society has brainwashed us not to give it a chance when we are on the verge of becoming someone. Indeed, love takes away time that could be invested in something important. Have you heard about deep-focused work? This is what love could give you if you ask for it. I often remember John Keating from Dead Poets Society: careers are noble pursuits necessary to sustain life, but poetry, beauty, romance, and love are what we stay alive for. If we are aware of what we are making out of ourselves and what our purpose in life is, love would guide us delicately. Maybe when we are young, we might be in a career crisis; maybe that is the exact reason we are told to run away from making partners. However, when we are settled and know about ourselves, love will push us to know ourselves in an even better way.

There are ways that love could help us live a joyful life if we are self-aware about ourselves. Once we have a hint of our career, interests, hobbies, boundaries, and self-identity, love never takes away the real us. However, in the case of toxicity, we should develop an ability to walk away. This standalone self-awareness would never let us fall into the drain.

Not everything is in a person’s control. The only constant thing is change. There are a lot of things that are inside a person’s control. Being honest and loyal always lies under the mattress of a person. It’s in his control. Expectations and boundaries also could be curated and are in a person’s control. Choices are what we can make and are in our control for no reason. However, we cannot make someone fall in love equally. Neither could we guarantee that someone would stay or change. Nor could we guarantee that the relationship lasts or that they choose someone else. We could do everything right and still lose someone. That’s life.

When life throws a lot of things towards us, we need courage to face everything. Love brings us the confidence to fight. It always pushes us to be a kind human. It might not bring constant happiness all the time, but it could make us happy to be with someone. Maybe love is not possessing someone or being dependent on someone. Maybe it is not getting everything we want from another person. Maybe it is choosing to care deeply about someone while accepting that we do not own the ending.

There is no sense in living fully protected with no risks. If we are really brave enough to be ready for the immense pain that heartbreak could bring, we can love someone completely without any guards. Being willing to risk something we cannot guarantee is not stupidity; it’s life itself. The only lesson we have to keep in mind is to take care of what we can control and let go of what we cannot. There is a visible gap between being stupid in love and being stupid because of love. One should not be so stupid as to miss that gap. If one believes that life is for the experience alone, living it with love is what makes it the best. What counts at the end is how much time you spend here fully living it, extraordinarily. Sometimes being stupid is the most courageous thing. So be it: no love, no glory.